My Idol Story

Martin Luther once observed that the human heart is an idol factory; that we are constantly substituting other things for only what God can give us. I believe him. An Idol is anything that takes the place of the living God in our lives. Here is my idol story.

I'm certainly the product of what is called the church growth movement that was prominent in the 80s and 90s. I sat in many conferences that taught, pushed and sold techniques to get more "nickels and noses" and "butts in the seats." My first exposure to all of this was probably around 1986 with John Maxwell. I remember him saying that the secret of preaching was the same secret of Disney movies; “you have to make them laugh and you have to make them cry." I could never listen to him again without wondering if he was just manipulating the audience. I remember his personal goal was to raise up "1000 churches of 1000 people." Success was defined for us; more people, more buildings, more speaking engagements, more opportunities and more money. What I didn't realize was the beginning of an idol forming in my heart.

Ex. 20:23 Remember, you must not make any idols of silver or gold to rival me.

At the church that I now pastor we experienced a nice growth bump in the late 90s. Our church was suddenly up-and-coming and growing. With growth came some perks! There was more money, my pay was increased and we hired staff. Other perks came as well like recognition. People started paying attention to us. I started getting respect. My stature increased among my peers. Sometimes people would call for advice. My confidence was growing. Affirmation became my drug of choice. What I didn't realize was happening was that the church had become an idol. Instead of finding my identity in Christ and wholly leaning upon him I was finding my identity and my stature in the success of the church. It made me valuable. It made me important. It gave me worth. Every good Sunday made me feel good! Life had meaning and I was winning because the church was succeeding.

Isaiah 57:13 Let’s see if your idols can save you when you cry to them for help. Why, a puff of wind can knock them down! If you just breathe on them, they fall over! But whoever trusts in me will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain.”

In 2011 and 2012 God decided to rip the idol out of my life. Our church took losses. Families moved away. Other families just quit showing up. There were a few confrontations with people that went south. I even told one family to leave! The money began getting tight, morale began to dip, the chairs weren't filled up, questions were asked and people noticed that things had changed. The affirmation began to run dry.

When you build your life on an idol and the idol begins to crumble, you lose your bearings. I saw that everything that once gave me importance and value and self worth and significance and meaning was suddenly in question or collapsing. My idol was being ripped away and because I had built my identity on a false god, the god of success, I got discouraged. It hurt. It was painful. I didn't have the magic anymore. I was exposed. The idol that once brought me success now screamed that I was a failure. I had nothing to stand on.

Isaiah 42:8 “I am the Lord; that is my name! I will not give my glory to anyone else, nor share my praise with carved idols.

When God rips an idol out of your life it is painful. The first thing that I thought to do was to try to figure out a way to get my idol back, i.e. how to get the church back to its former stature. I prayed, I rebuked the devil, strategized, plotted, thought of new programs, re-energized my preaching - whatever I could do to grow again. I didn't realize I was just trying to revive the idol. It took a while before I finally saw that God was tired of me basing my identity and my righteousness and my validation and worth on anything but him. I was justified because of what Jesus did at the cross not by what happened in the building at 1301 Liberty Street. I was made whole when Jesus said "it is finished" and not how I compared to others in the church attendance category. The gospel is not “what I can do for Jesus, but what Jesus is done for me.” I had forgotten that.

So began the rebuilding of my absolute dependence upon Jesus Christ as my first and last, my beginning and my ending, my validation, my justification, my righteousness, my wholeness and my worth. I had to learn freedom; that freedom doesn't come when there is a 1000 people in the seats, it comes when Jesus sets you free from needing 1000 people in the seats before you think you can count. Freedom comes when you no longer need to prove yourself by pointing at what you have done but by pointing at what Jesus has done for you. Mind you, that same old church growth mentality lingers in the back of my mind trying to make me fall in love with that old idol again; being a big name because I have a big church. Even now I struggle to break free from the world's definition of success.

I love what Matthew Barnett said in an interview when he bemoaned his own failure in ministry. He believed that God spoke something like this to his heart; "I want you never again to think about the word ‘success.’ I want you to die to your dream of being a success and live to the dream of being a blessing. I want you to fall in love with the city and serving people, and let me build the church." Freedom is serving others and expecting nothing in return.

I continue to be on an idol watch. Other idols continue to introduce themselves to me and promise me only what God can give me. I hope that I'm a little older and wiser not to fall for them this time.

“Idols begin by promising everything at no cost and end by delivering nothing while costing everything.”Andy Crouch

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